I feel like one of the most challenging things about being a parent is the fact that as soon as you figure out a stage that your kid is going through, they inevitably decide they are ready to move on and stump you in the next stage. What is that all about?
Here are a few things that I have recently been pondering regarding being a good parent to my toddler:
- This is a stage. Some days feel amazing and full of wonder and smiles, but others are full of tantrums, crying, and frustration. On the hard days, it seems like I have no idea what I am doing and I wonder if I’m using enough discipline, if the discipline is right (like why does he think time-outs are funny??) Those days are long. It seems easy to get sucked in and to feel like it’s going to be like that forever, but I know that before I even realize it, we will be in a new stage altogether. There are things about each stage that I want to savor and remember and in order to do that, I have to focus on the sweet things instead of becoming overwhelmed with the challenging ones.
- They don’t understand sharing. I recently read that two-year-olds do not have the capacity to understand sharing! Do you know what this means? I’m not a horrible mom for having a kid that yells, “MINE” and shoves the other kid for trying to steal Thomas the train. Apparently, as they are establishing autonomy and realizing they are their own person, all the things that they are used to having, wearing and playing with is generally theirs. It makes no sense to them to just give those things up when another kid comes around. It’s something to work on, for sure, but if he doesn’t share right away, it is okay.
- Don’t disregard their emotions. I have gotten into the habit of saying, “There’s no need to be upset.” And in all honestly… most of the time, I am right. My son loses it over very small things sometimes. But I have to remember, for his age, and the stage he is in, he DOES have something to be upset about. He has BIG emotions and acknowledging them instead of trying to stop them, may end up helping him develop and understand empathy down the road. When someone feels something, it is real to them, no matter how old they are.
- They deserve our full attention. This is easier said than done most days due to cell phones and social media. My son has a keen sense of when I am fully paying attention to him and when I am distracted by something on my phone. I am trying to learn how to balance this and to be intentional with times during the day when my phone is nowhere in sight. I had the realization the other day that I don’t want my son growing up thinking that the person that I am conversing with on my phone is more important that he is, and of course, this goes back to the age old saying “actions speak louder than words,” especially for a toddler.
- Self-care is vital. I know there has been a lot of attention given to self-care recently and I think this is wonderful; it is very easy to get lost in the role of being a parent. Self-care can come in a lot of different forms and means something different to everyone. For me, it means getting up early and spending an hour alone. I have a few books I am reading through, I get to have a cup of coffee while it is hot and I get to start my day prayerfully. I have realized that I need this time in order to be the best version of myself for my son. Fill the tank first, then pour out to others.
These are just a few things I have been learning recently. There is always a lot of room for growth and grace in this space…
Is there anything that has improved your daily parenthood routine recently?
Coast x Coast Motherhood 