Monday Mom Meditation: 17

I have come to realize that the phase of toddlerhood we are in right now is affectionately called the “Terrible Twos” which is a joke and horrible. My son is only 20 months and I’ve heard this stage goes well into 3 years of age, so whoever named this stage was very short sighted.

Have you ever felt like you are completely out of your element as a mother?

Let me go back.

.

When I found out I was pregnant, I started reading all the books. ALL the books! I was so excited!! When it came to the old-school discipline books though, I didn’t even look at them. I thought to myself, “I’ve got time… and they may be really out dated… I can just use some of the techniques my friends use…” and on and on my list of excuses went.

In those 9 months of pregnancy, I studied and questioned my parent friends in good and bad ways. I remember saying things like this to Mason, “When we have our son, we aren’t going to allow him to use our phone at the dinner table.”

-insert the laughing/crying emoji-

I asked about disciplining and potty training and sleep training and all the hard areas that I heard so many parents talking about.

I had my arsenal of information and parenting techniques ready, even before I knew who my son was. And you know what? I forgot to factor in the most important part: I didn’t know who my son was.

I thought I knew exactly how I was going to discipline my son and how I would teach him right from wrong. I thought he would understand me if I spoke calmly and in a loving manner. It turns out, he can’t hear me speaking to him in a “calm and loving manner” when he is screaming at the top of his lungs in the middle of a bookstore. Turns out, he also is a very strong willed child and likes to test all the boundaries and run right into the street as fast as he can (and he is fast!)

I called my mother a few weeks ago, nearly in tears because I realized a few things, all around the same time and I was so overwhelmed, I couldn’t think of anything better to do than to call my mom.

The things I realized:

1. You know nothing, Deanna Dyer

2. I am feeling judgement

3. All children are different

4. This is a stage (a scary one)

5. I am not praying enough

6. I don’t have to do this on my own

I asked my mom what she did for me when I was in this stage and she gave me a piece of advice that I will carry with me from this point in my motherhood forward. She said, “Sure, I can tell you what I did to discipline you at that age, but something you have to know is that all children are different. The technique I used for you was a different one than with each of your 3 other siblings. Also, you need to pray and ask for the Lord to give you wisdom.”

Such a truth bomb.

Since then, the tantrums have persisted and I have continued to feel an emotional exhaustion that I was not initially prepared for, but I also have a sense of peace. I know this stage is normal because so many other parents have gone, or or going through it as well. I reached out to my mother-in-law for advice as well and she sent me the “old-school discipline” book that I had initially avoided yet so desperately needed now. My husband and I have started reading this together at night and have learned so much in such a short amount of time (now the hard part is applying it…) I know that I can seek the Lord for wisdom and that the Holy Spirit in me can give me the patience, endurance and strength to not only “get through this day” but to also really enjoy the fact that I get this day.

Mama friends: what are you doing to keep yourself sane during the tantrums and have you read any good books that have helped guide you through this stage? I am open for any and all suggestions.